Scotch, Sheets, and Trick or Treat
by AkuIku
Summary: Don't ask me where the title comes from ... I have no idea. Just a little holiday piece that came to me while I searched for a Halloween costume.


Wow - it's been a long time since I've posted anything... I had another surgery, recovered, and decided after 4 years to go back to school... but still I've been really lax. Well either that or had a horrible case of writer's block. Either way I had the strangest thought yesterday while trying to find a halloween costume- and bam! This fic was born- hope you enjoy, AkuIku

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Only Gotham City would hold an annual Charity Ball on Halloween, in Barbara's mind that was just asking for trouble. Almost ever year something would go wrong - usually some inmate from Arkham would break out and make a surprise visit. Chaos would ensue, her costume was usually ruined, and by the time the suspect was apprehended Halloween was long over. And yet no one ever thought to cancel the ball. Perhaps they were afraid of the message that would give to the criminals of Gotham. Perhaps they didn't want to give in to the darkness of the city, either way it meant nothing but headaches for her and Bruce

Speaking of Bruce she hadn't seen him make an entrance yet ... scaning the crowds for his familar form Barbara frowned upon noticing his absence. Sighing she made her way toward the bar, stopping to make pleasent conversation here and there.

She was finishing off a glass of wine when a hulking mass of white fabric sat down beside her.

"I hate these things"

Pausing, Barbara glanced to her right in confusion... where they talking to her?

"Excuse me..."

For some reason the person beside her seemed to think she knew them ... if she actually did it was impossible to tell. They were covered head to toe in what looked like a white bed sheet.

"Geeze Barb, how much have you had to drink? You know we're going to have to work tonight."

Wait .... Turning in her seat Barbara let her gaze flit down to a pair of very expensive Italian dress shoes her friend in the sheet was wearing.

"Bruce...?"

"Where you expecting someone else" He asked motioning for the bartender to fix him a drink.

"No ... but usually ... you don't dress so ... your costume looks ..."

Home made ... and Bruce Wayne doesn't do home made it's only the best for him...

"Like I took the sheets off my bed and cut holes in them ...."

It was almost impressive how he managed to maneuver his sheet so that he could somehow get his drink under it. Not to mention an odd sight, he should have just cut out a mouth as well, but perhaps he was afraid that would give him away.

"Well- Yeah."

"That's because I did ... well actually they're from one of the guest rooms ... and if word of this gets back to Alfred I'll never forgive you."

Of course they're from a guest room ... your sheets are black ...

"Didn't he see you when he dropped you off."

Watching him shake his head, Barbara couldn't help but wonder how he managed to keep the damn sheet from falling off.

"I drove myself - Tim needed a ride to his friends party"

Maybe he'd somehow taped it...?

"Right ... well my lips are sealed... but can you tell me why the hell you decided to play Martha Stewart and make your costume this year?"

"I didn't want anyone to recognize me."

Rolling her eyes, Barbara found that statement completely were at a costume party for Christ's sake... he could have just worn a mask.

"Don't worry - no one will ... anyone in particular you're hiding from?"

She already knew the answer, all of Gotham had heard about Veronica Vreeland's latest divorce. And like clockwork every time the woman became available she'd set her sights on Bruce... apparently she just couldn't take a hint. Which was unfortunate because Bruce had seemed, at one point, to value her friendship.

"One Guess"

Letting her gaze sweep across the room she found their topic of conversation dressed in a two piece, bright pink genie outfit.

"Oh - is Veronica divorced again! I really have to pay more attention to the society pages."

"Very funny ... just who are you supposed to be any way?"

Looks like she'd hit a nerve, shrugging, she raised her wine glass to her lips.

"Lucrezia Borgia"

Choking on the Scotch he'd been sipping at, Bruce sputtered trying desperately to hold back his laughter. Unfortunately he failed miserably, managing to spray the inside of his sheet with alcohol. Which meant he'd have to take it off, a brave the rest of the party with no costume and Ronnie on the prowl.

"Epic Fail"

The glare she received was well worth it, even though she knew the Mortal Combat reference was lost on him.

"Great - now she's going to-"

"Bruce! There you are where have you been ... why aren't you wearing a costume!"

That had to be a record, Bruce hadn't been visible for more then 30 seconds before Veronica had honed in on him. The look of sheer panic which flashed across Bruce's face actually made Barbara feel somewhat guilty. She decided to take pity on him.

"Oh but he is Veronica - can't you tell he's James Bond!'

For once the fact that Veronica was easily swayed came in handy.

"Of course! You look so handsome, you have to let me show you off to the others."

What he'd originally seen in her, Barbara would never know.

"Yeah Bruce, everyone has to see your amazing costume."

The sarcasm while lost on Veronica, was not lost on Bruce, the look he'd given her was proof.

"I'll be right there Ronnie, just let me get another drink ok."

He grinned that famous playboy grin, watching her melt into the crowd, before rounding on her.

"What?"

"I hope you're happy - my night is ruined "

A part of her really did feel bad, how many chances did Bruce Wayne get to go incognito at events like this. How often could he walk around without the press following him, or woman throwing themselves at his feet.

"Hey I didn't make you spray scotch all over your sheet."

"Lucrezia Borgia ..."

Breaking out into a grin Barbara tried to smile sweetly up at him.

"I felt a connection."

He nearly choked again, this time on nothing but air. Shaking his head, he gladly accepted the glass of sparkling cider from bartender.

"You are a strange woman ... not to mention a dead woman after this thing is over."

The last part was added upon catching site of Veronica Vreeland waving frantically in his direction.

"Enjoy what's left of your evening Barb - it's your last."

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Well there you have it something a bit more light hearted then usual for me! My whole inspiration for this was Lucrezia Borgia ... I cracked myself up with that! AkuIku


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